The following is from my collection of fake email spams, called “Why I”m Not Famous”.

YOU’VE ALREADY BEEN APPROVED!

Dear Consumer, we know you’ve blown your credit completely. We know you want to start climbing the ladder of success all over again. We have the perfect credit card for you: The Visa Tungsten Card. With your new Tungsten Card, you can borrow two hundred bucks at the low rate of 80.99% plus daily prime rate, whatever that might be, but not to exceed 100% except in the territory of Guam, where usury is permitted. Once your credit has been re-established at this level The Heavy Metal Credit Card Program can then be tailored to fit your needs. If you are Manic-Depressive, our Lithium card, with interest rates that plunge and soar, might be just the thing. If you’re an impoverished weight lifter, the Iron Card, where the interest just keeps pumping up, would suit your needs. You can get back on the path of easy credit! You can work your way up through Titanium to Gold to Platinum, and beyond! The Uranium Card has rates that are positively radioactive! All these cards are supported by our We Don’t Give A Shit If You Pay Us Back Protection Program. When you sign the consent form on the application, the fine print contracts you, in the case of any default, to work for us at our Cubicle Complex 800 Telemarketing Center in Bevins, Nebraska. Sign up Now. Call 1-800-SCAM.

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